Celebrating Women’s Day Definitely Rings Hollow in the Face of Ongoing Injustice

March 8th!! International Women’s Day ! –

This is how this day is getting deciphered in recent years 🤷‍♀️👇

Politicians consider it as an opportunity to trade their cleverly crafted agendas mixed with the theme of empowering women in various social arenas. The marketing world tries to push through some products by churning out some advertisements which appeal to our sentiments and emotions. The products range from lingerie to mobile phones to clothing. The hospitality industry offers some discounts on their food products and makes people to dine out. The health industry comes out with some offers on various health check schemes, and urges women to have concern on their health.

The corporate world catches up with the fever by organizing some special events for their women employees and providing some goodies. The entertainment world in order to make sure that it is not left far behind tries to portray women in bold roles in their offerings. Nothing much needs to be explained on the contribution of the media on women’s day as they come out with lot of talk shows, documentaries, some even sparking off controversies, interviews with women achievers etc…

Messages with the theme of empowering women receive lot of likes and shares on the various social media avenues. Husbands offering gifts to wives, children gifting cards to their mothers, brothers congratulating their sisters and male colleagues wishing their female counterparts; the world cherishes the women’s day in various ways. 

Does all these celebrations stop with only one day? Has all the women’s days that have gone by brought about any real changes in the lives of women? Are women getting the needed safety? Are women really empowered in the society?

In a world marred by gender-based violence, discrimination, and systemic oppression, the celebration of International Women’s Day often feels like a bitter irony. While the day symbolizes progress and empowerment, the stark reality remains: women continue to face appalling mistreatment and inequality across the globe.

From the acutely distressing accounts of rape and sexual assault to the insidious perpetuation of gender stereotypes that reduce women to mere objects of desire, the plight of women transcends borders, cultures, and socioeconomic statuses.

Despite strides in advocacy and awareness, the pervasive nature of violence against women serves as a haunting reminder of the systemic failures that persist. One of the most glaring manifestations of this injustice is the prevalence of sexual violence. Women are disproportionately affected by rape, assault, and harassment, often enduring not only physical trauma but also enduring psychological scars that linger long after the initial incident. The culture of victim-blaming and shaming further compounds the trauma, silencing survivors and perpetuating a cycle of late punishments or castigation for the perpetrators.

Moreover, the spectre of domestic violence looms large, trapping countless women in abusive relationships characterized by coercion, manipulation, and fear. Behind closed doors, homes transform into battlegrounds where women endure physical and emotional torment at the hands of those meant to love and protect them. The normalization of such abuse perpetuates a dangerous narrative that undermines the inherent dignity and autonomy of women.

Even in the realm of commerce and media, women are often reduced to mere commodities, valued solely for their physical appearance and perceived marketability. From exploitative advertising campaigns to the objectification of women in popular culture, the pervasive influence of patriarchal norms reinforces harmful stereotypes and perpetuates a cycle of commodification that devalues women’s worth. Furthermore, the insidious prevalence of marital torture and coercion serves as a stark reminder of the systemic barriers that impede women’s autonomy and agency within intimate relationships. Forced marriages, honour killings, and other forms of familial violence strip women of their fundamental rights and perpetuate a cycle of subjugation that denies them the opportunity to live free from fear and oppression.

In light of these sobering realities, the notion of celebrating Women’s Day can feel hollow and incongruous. How can we commemorate progress and empowerment when women continue to suffer at the hands of a society that systemically marginalizes and oppresses them?

However, amidst the darkness, there exists a glimmer of hope—a collective call to action to dismantle the structures of oppression and build a world where women are truly valued, respected, and empowered.

Celebrating Women’s Day should not serve as a mere gesture of empty symbolism, but rather as a rallying cry for justice, equality, and solidarity. It should be a day to amplify the voices of those who have been silenced, to advocate for systemic change, and to honour the resilience and strength of women everywhere. It should be a day to confront the uncomfortable truths of gender inequality and commit ourselves to the arduous but essential work of building a more just and equitable world for all. So, as we mark International Women’s Day, let us not shy away from the harsh realities that persist, but rather let us use this moment as a catalyst for meaningful action and change.

Let us stand in solidarity with women around the world and reaffirm our collective commitment to justice, equality, and human dignity. Only then can we truly honour the spirit of Women’s Day and pave the way for a future where every woman can live free from fear, violence, and oppression.

FRIENDSHIPS AND MARRIAGE

Last night, when I was browsing through my old albums with my son, I saw lot of ghosts! There grinning at me, were my best buddies, whom I shared my wonderful teenage and graduation paths.

My 7 year old asked me “Mom, why haven’t we met them?”

It seems implausible that the group of people that you were closest to on the entire world, the people with whom you shared the most wonderful moments of your life suddenly disappear after your life’s milestone – Marriage! One day, two, three,……….years roll on, you’ll think yourself, I haven’t seen them since long…And then what did happen?

Here’s the question that I have been battling with over years. Hope it relates to all married and single friends of mine too!

Does Marriage change Friendships? Does it make life too busy?

Marriage is a breakthrough in one’s life that often alters our relationship with our partner as well as with people around us. Relationships certainly do change. A greater emphasis is placed on building marriage partnership than on friendships. Things can’t remain the same forever. On the other hand, I think it’s wrong to become so insular in a marriage that you break long term friendship.

Marriage is a partnership, and that partnership means priorities, responsibilities and change. Moving away to another part of town/country changes everything. Keeping in touch through phone calls also becomes less frequent as your friends also settle down.

Our friendships are based on lot of things – shared interests, proximity, career based, colleagues, and school / college mates. Marriage can alter friendship, but it’s important to recognize that your circle of friends are as important as they were before. I do understand that for initial few months or even a year of grace; can be spent on focusing new life and relationships—to the exclusion of previous friendships!

The drifting away always begins subtly. You don’t call your friends as often ( or take pains to contact them if numbers are changed), or forgo get-togethers, meet-out’s. Conversation topics with your friends get limited. The gap widens when we bring kids into our new life. Many of my mom friends will agree with me in this. When we have kids, it becomes so, so easy to lose ourselves in them. Friendship, now moves on to common grounds like parenting, pre-schooling,classes, tuitions, etc. we tend to lose importance to friends who don’t share our common grounds!

So, why does marriage change friendship?

I never fully understood the change it brings but with my limited experience as a married woman for 14 plus years and a mother of two, I can relate to few so called reasons.

Major Transition: Besides the obvious transition of moving and merging two different households, marriage throws in front of us a lifestyle of time-tested routines, well-worn habits, unchallenged preferences and blending of minds.

Shift in focus: A woman’s first priority and responsibility becomes her spouse and the new relationships that follow. Her priorities shift and focus towards a new, unique formation: she tries to establish a new family of her own!. That doesn’t mean married women don’t need friends but the point is, it does change the social dynamic.

Consumes time: The previous two reasons naturally lead to less available social time. Establishing a household, relationship, a way of life and of course maintain them requires a lot more time and energy.

Yes, changes are expected to happen after your marriage. But it takes efforts on all sides of friendship to maintain it. When you upgrade your title to ‘Mrs.’ it shouldn’t be at the expense of who you were before marriage. Though social media tools and smart phones play a vital role in today’s re-union of friendship, it does need a foot front on our part to be really connected with friends again.

Now, what do you think? Have you felt hurt and ignored when a friend has moved to different phase of life or have you noticed this drift in your own life? Do you really feel the need to be connected again with your friends?
The ball is now in each of our own court!

Adding another ‘M’ to my Mothering—the Transition and Challenges

No matter how easy or hard your first child was, adding a second child is intimidating. I knew the work, knew the time except that I had to put that work and time together while continuing to care for my elder daughter.

Some might think that baby two will be easy. You are wiser; more experienced and know what you are doing. But the wiser among us will realise that we ‘ really ‘ don’t know. Every child is different. Who knows!, what our second child will bring!!.

How hard it is really?

My opinion is it is very different for every mom.

When my son was born last year, I expected to be a seasoned, confident mother. I had been mothering his sister for the past six years. So, I did feel more sure of myself, at least in some ways. But not to deny the fact that I was a new parent – learning to be a mother of two!

In my experience, going from 0 to 1 month was the hardest transition. I mean a huge shock to my system as I tried to balance two different schedules. The first couple of weeks were bit chaos balancing with my personal pains, the hectic newborn routines and the elder one. But my husband, in-laws and my mom (my huge strength) were around to help me out with it. I had to mentally prepare for, simultaneously meeting the physical and emotional needs of two children with quiet a gap in ages. To me this is the single, biggest and ongoing challenge.

This emotional roller coaster did affect me initially. I was rather scared. It made me to feel to an extent that I was failing as a mom. But, after a year, I have found that these feelings are normal. Though I have not worked out fully on this, I am somehow managing the so called ‘mom’s attention deficit’.

For us mothers, ‘ guilt ‘ is the second biggest challenge. Some days I feel like I am depriving my daughter from getting enough of my love and care. Have my attention been completely stolen by my son!??. This question pops in me when she goes off mood and behaves abnormal. But once I gave a break, a deep breath, trusted myself, my instincts and choices, I was slowly able to overcome it.

I have learnt to accept that there is a pile of laundry constantly waiting to be folded, toys scattered hither n thither. I’ve had to accept that my daughter is going to call me out in helping her getting ready for school while my son needs me on the potty! Or that my son is going to wake up from his short nap the instant I sit to help my daughter with her studies, or both of them melting down together when me n my husband try to have a conversation beyond our daily routines.

As days passed by, when the two started really interacting – from the way Madhav’s eyes lit up when he sees his sissy return from school, to when they start giggling and cuddling together. Or when Malini bursts out to tears when she sees her wailing brother — raising two kids is absolutely, positively worth it!                                                         

And it is’int just the day-to-day difficulties or challenges I have as a mom, it is also the scrutiny and judgement from others too. It is’int just me but to all mums out there who are exposed to such external factors. Well! You know everyone around you seem to have an opinion or criticism on your mothering style!

I have created two people. Grown them inside me, watched their little movements, felt their pains and joy. And, that is no small thing. Nothing to be overlooked or overshadowed by a messy house, or wrong timing, or even on my mothering style!

Loving three people is easy, but meeting all of their needs at the same time, is a tough job! I do accept that none of my three loves are getting as much of me as they want or as much of me as I want to give them. And I struggle n fight with it. But I know that I am starting to win more rounds than lose. And I know that I am trying to be someone they want me to be.

I am filled with love that is no ordinary one. It is the love that makes me feel proud, thankful. A love that is grateful for the gift that these two kids have given me. By breaking me down, they are actually building me better. Something better I could ever imagine without them – being the mother of my two wonderful kids.