Mothering

Adding another ‘M’ to my Mothering—the Transition and Challenges

No matter how easy or hard your first child was, adding a second child is intimidating. I knew the work, knew the time except that I had to put that work and time together while continuing to care for my elder daughter.

Some might think that baby two will be easy. You are wiser; more experienced and know what you are doing. But the wiser among us will realise that we ‘ really ‘ don’t know. Every child is different. Who knows!, what our second child will bring!!.

How hard it is really?

My opinion is it is very different for every mom.

When my son was born last year, I expected to be a seasoned, confident mother. I had been mothering his sister for the past six years. So, I did feel more sure of myself, at least in some ways. But not to deny the fact that I was a new parent – learning to be a mother of two!

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In my experience, going from 0 to 1 month was the hardest transition. I mean a huge shock to my system as I tried to balance two different schedules. The first couple of weeks were bit chaos balancing with my personal pains, the hectic newborn routines and the elder one. But my husband, in-laws and my mom (my huge strength) were around to help me out with it. I had to mentally prepare for, simultaneously meeting the physical and emotional needs of two children with quiet a gap in ages. To me this is the single, biggest and ongoing challenge.

This emotional roller coaster did affect me initially. I was rather scared. It made me to feel to an extent that I was failing as a mom. But, after a year, I have found that these feelings are normal. Though I have not worked out fully on this, I am somehow managing the so called ‘mom’s attention deficit’.

For us mothers, ‘ guilt ‘ is the second biggest challenge. Some days I feel like I am depriving my daughter from getting enough of my love and care. Have my attention been completely stolen by my son!??. This question pops in me when she goes off mood and behaves abnormal. But once I gave a break, a deep breath, trusted myself, my instincts and choices, I was slowly able to overcome it.

I have learnt to accept that there is a pile of laundry constantly waiting to be folded, toys scattered hither n thither. I’ve had to accept that my daughter is going to call me out in helping her getting ready for school while my son needs me on the potty! Or that my son is going to wake up from his short nap the instant I sit to help my daughter with her studies, or both of them melting down together when me n my husband try to have a conversation beyond our daily routines.

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As days passed by, when the two started really interacting – from the way Madhav’s eyes lit up when he sees his sissy return from school, to when they start giggling and cuddling together. Or when Malini bursts out to tears when she sees her wailing brother — raising two kids is absolutely, positively worth it!                                                         

And it is’int just the day-to-day difficulties or challenges I have as a mom, it is also the scrutiny and judgement from others too. It is’int just me but to all mums out there who are exposed to such external factors. Well! You know everyone around you seem to have an opinion or criticism on your mothering style!

I have created two people. Grown them inside me, watched their little movements, felt their pains and joy. And, that is no small thing. Nothing to be overlooked or overshadowed by a messy house, or wrong timing, or even on my mothering style!

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Loving three people is easy, but meeting all of their needs at the same time, is a tough job! I do accept that none of my three loves are getting as much of me as they want or as much of me as I want to give them. And I struggle n fight with it. But I know that I am starting to win more rounds than lose. And I know that I am trying to be someone they want me to be.

I am filled with love that is no ordinary one. It is the love that makes me feel proud, thankful. A love that is grateful for the gift that these two kids have given me. By breaking me down, they are actually building me better. Something better I could ever imagine without them – being the mother of my two wonderful kids.

 

 

 

 

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general, society

My Journey of Womanhood

While there are so many complex facets of being a woman, here’s my inner self speaking about my accomplishments in the journey of womanhood.

I was gifted with this life and got introduced into this world as a daughter by my parents. I am here because my parents wanted me to be here and God made me a girl, so DAUGHTER first! The journey in to the wonderful path of womanhood started with this identity of mine.

As a daughter I am humbled and sheltered. I was encouraged to be independent and was taught to be more resilient. I trust in my own abilities as I was let to handle disappointments and pick myself again. I was let to do mistakes and discover that I can recover and try again and again, no matter what comes in. While I am innocent to my parents forever asking why’s and what if’s, I am happy of what I am today as a daughter knowing the essential life skills of tenacity and resilience and to face the world with pride.

As a sisterA special bond in which am bound by blood and a bosom buddy for life to my siblings. Though I am not like them, they are a part of me. I have shared their fear, pain and joy. Traveled hand in hand in the springs and autumns of life’s flow. I have been someone who makes them smile in times of blue, someone who’s been there for them to always care. Happy am I as a sister to be able to give lots of love, sometimes mature thoughts and to be the best emotional support. Well, I am equally privileged to be cared, protected and secured by the virtue of just being their sister!

As a wife – The most significant role of mine as a woman and a completely different one from my other roles. I laugh, comfort and give my shoulders to lean on, to my life- my better half. I reverence, notice, regard, esteem, value, admire and listen to him. I ignore his ignorance and tolerate his flaws- for to me there’s no limit to my love’s full measure. I have been supportive, positive and been there for him as a brick wall – to hold him rather hold us to keep our bond stronger. It is in this role, I am blessed with the immense ability to switch on and off in to different roles – a mother, sister, a friend and a life partner when time demands.

As a motherThe most rewarding and exhausting role of a woman. It is in this role that I have found the hidden strengths in me. The role which involves nurturing, guiding, teaching and providing mental and physical support to my own creations. I have learnt as a mother to win over my pains and struggles, take every single step with caution, and deal with roller coaster of emotions. Every single day as a mother is a challenge put forth in front of me. And mothering has helped to rediscover myself as a guardian angel to my wonderful kids.

Finally, I am all of these equally, proportionately mixed so that I complete as a Woman. And I am glad to be the woman who wears her heart with pride on her sleeves- where the entire world can see.

For all I am is the woman I can be, the one I want to be, could be and would be! and I cherish being a Woman!

general, relationship

An ETERNAL Memory – dear most uncle

Words fail and tears roll down as I sit to pen down about you mama. I have so many fond memories with you that I will cherish forever. You have done so much for me but I feel that I could not do enough for you as you spent three painful years in bed. You have been one of the most important people in my life. And we have shared countless moments together which were always full of laughter, love and filled with knowledge. Mama, I am thankful for every single moment we got to share and for all the love and support you have given me from the day I was born. I could go on and on and on….you were the best adult friend that we youngsters in the family had. Indeed you were and you will be our role model and biggest hero.

 Here we are, the ones you left behind, the ones who loved you dearly , thinking about you, how wonderful, supportive, amazing person you were.

And here’s one small tribute to one of the best human I ever knew!!..

What more is there to say?
What greater accolade can be given?
An amazing personality
A music lover
A book of knowledge
A mentor and a friend.

An uncle

It was you who taught everything to us by the way you lived.
There are so many lessons we learnt, most importantly how to fight,
To be proud of whom we are
To stand up with all might.

Through all the important moments in our lives, you made sure to be there.

You have held me in your arms ,

Taught me values and been in my life

Through thick and thin.

You have always been my hero,
From the day I can recall.
You always told me “ do your best”
Never give up heart.

Thirty four years was not enough,
To share the bond we had.
But it was long enough to know,
You were my BEST FRIEND- Prasanna Mama

Your voice, your wisdom, your speech
Will keep lingering in us
We will miss your smile, the one you’ll always wear
Your wit and knowledge that you always share.

That is what we’ll remember you for
Your bravery and the love
That caring and watchful eye
Now will peer upon us from above

We still can’t believe that you are gone
So soon, leaving behind just memories of you.
May be because, God saw you that you were getting tired,
Tired of the fights and pains for the past three years
So, HE put his arms around you and
Took you with him.

Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.
God broke our hearts to prove us
That HE always ‘ TAKES THE BEST’

Rest in peace my dear mama. I am so thankful for ‘everything’ you gave me and for all the sunshine you have brought to so many people around you.May God gives us the strength to face your loss and courage to move on…